12 Writers’ Rules to
Live By
Whether it is stagnation, rejection, depression, or just plain life itself, at any point in time, many writers would admit that they are not exactly where they want to be. This can be true for both new writers as well as seasoned old-timers procrastinating about whether to even leave the starting gate again. So, in the spirit of encouragement and helping writers take a proactive approach to getting their manuscripts to that all important *next stage*, here, from one of our writers, is a list of things to remember in the coming months…
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Writers’ Resolutions
As committed and dedicated writers, we resolve to:
1) Limit our bouts of depression to those times when we (a) have no time to write, and/or (b) have received a minimum of five new rejection letters. Whenever possible, we will also try to coincide this with times that the Today Show features new authors who have just received million-dollar advances (preferably for self-help books on learning to love failure).
2) Resist the temptation to visit Psychic web sites to ask when we will be getting a substantial publishing contract.
3) Let unscrupulous agents requesting our manuscripts know that SASE does NOT stand for Steam-And-Steal-Every-Stamp.
4) Refuse, no matter how enticing, to send our manuscripts off to any agent whose only big sale was a nonfiction book entitled, *Everything I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From My Friend the Crack-Whore.*
5) NEVER refer to ourselves as *writers* to: (a) potential landlords, (b) employers, (c) loan officers, or (d) anyone who might ask the question, *Really? Have you written anything I might have actually read?*
6) Acknowledge that Captain Morgan is NOT our friend, does NOT make our writing more creative, and, in fact, is not even a real person.
7) Remember that the opening passage to the next chapter cannot, no matter how many times we look, be found inside the refrigerator.
8) Start to actually appreciate that all the clerks at the post office know us by name and have taken to wishing us *Good Luck* every time we drop off a package.
9) Stop expecting (a) speedy responses from anything called a *slush pile*, (b) anything good to come from agents who send back letters smeared with pizza stains, and (c) that our idea of 3-4 weeks will ever be the same as an agent’s.
10) Remember that the IRS does NOT recognize the cost of coffee, Prozac, or Absolut Vodka as legitimate business deductions.
11) Reassure ourselves that the thousands of dollars we have spent on editing will be tax-deductible just as soon as those first royalty checks roll in.
12) Always remember that the words, *The fantastic book you have written is sure to be a Bestseller and a box-office hit* should NEVER be followed by the words, *Send your check at your earliest convenience.*
(Reprinted with permission from © p.l.
frank. This article has been previously published under different titles and
has appeared in various venues including Writer’s Ink, the Frankly Speaking
column, Publish or Perish, and the Write Connection. Reprint/publication requests should be sent
via email to: franklyspeaking@hotmail.com.
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